50 Meaningful Discussions to Explore with Your Partner

Choose a place and time where and when you’d like to discuss the juicy stuff.  Commit to a specific amount of time.  Decide upon some discussion “rules” beforehand and don’t be afraid to add to the list or amend the rules if need be.  The point is to keep the discussions going.  Choose to discuss one a day or one every other day, but make meaningful discussion a habit.  Find a way to make it fun for you both.

  1. What does the “division of labor” look like in your partnership?  Who does what to bring in finances, manage bills, negotiate bill issues, keep the house supplied, cleaned, running, working, yard presentable, home decorated, meals made, gifts purchased, events planned, laundry done, clothes purchased, car maintained, insured, cleaned, cards and thank yous sent, etc.?
  2. What does “family” mean to you (immediate, extended, blood, community, etc.)?
  3. Describe your relationship with money (what it gives you, takes away from you, “causes” you to do, how you seek it, how you avoid it) and what you’d like to change about it.
  4. What “vices” are acceptable in your life (drugs, alcohol, sex, violence, TV, fat, sweets, cyber activities, past-times, etc) and to what extent?
  5. When is something “too much?”
  6. What does religion mean to you?
  7. How do you choose to “practice” your faith?
  8. What compromises can we make in regards to different backgrounds in our faith?
  9. How would you want to raise children in regards to faith?
  10. What’s your favorite memory of the holidays as a kid?
  11. What traditions do you want to keep (or make) in your life?
  12. How do you feel about children?  Yes, no, how many, your own, adoption, fertilization… to what lengths would you go to have a family?
  13. Discuss your reaction to an unwanted pregnancy.
  14. How do you feel about genetic testing?  What if test showed a deformed or “disabled” baby?
  15. If there were children, who would take care of them?
  16. What does the “division of labor” look like after children?
  17. How do you start a tough discussion with one another?
  18. What’s your agreed-upon process for making a joint decision that may involve compromise?
  19. How do you handle time away from each other?  Is it scheduled, accepted on the fly, equitably distributed (tit for tat), respected, tolerated?
  20. What hobbies or pastimes would you love your partner to try?
  21. How will you support hobbies you don’t enjoy doing together?
  22. What were the major causes of breakup in your dating life?
  23. What do you care to know about your partner’s past?
  24. Discuss the advantages to knowing the past vs. starting with a clean slate.
  25. What do you love most about this relationship?
  26. What do you love most about your partner?
  27. What experiences have you had with death and how do you want to be supported if you’re mourning?
  28. How do you wish to be comforted while temporarily ill? Long-term?
  29. How do you wish to be comforted/supported when you’re down?
  30. What does romance mean?  Describe it in detail?
  31. What does passion mean? Describe it in detail?
  32. How does your partner know when you want to be passionate and when to back off?
  33. How do you handle different levels of libido?  (One partner is more physically affectionate than the other.)
  34. Discuss three distinct needs you want your partner to meet without your asking.
  35. How will you handle vacationing?
  36. How will you handle vacationing with others (family, friends, etc.)
  37. How will you handle the holidays with multiple families?
  38. How do you feel about occasional, temporary houseguests?
  39. How do you feel about long-term houseguests?
  40. How would you discipline a child?
  41. What do you refuse to tolerate?
  42. What environment energizes each of you?  Where would you choose to live?
  43. Discuss how you arrange and decorate your living spaces.  Is there room for or a need for private space for each of you?
  44. How does color affect your life?
  45. What do you admire about your parents’ relationships?
  46. What would you absolutely do differently from your parents’ relationships?
  47. What’s your largest dream?
  48. What have you yearned to try but have held back due to fear?
  49. How will you decide upon large purchases?
  50. What are your philosophies on saving?



Download a printable version of


Leave a Reply