Soothing Loved Ones During Holidays -Make It Suck LESS

Make it suck LESS.

My mom lost her folks in a fire (both of them) a few days before her 19th birthday in November 1965. She is an only child. It was beyond tragic. The gut punch lingers even 50+ years later.
Through the years, after I was old enough to know why this time of year was rotten for Mom, I tried with my whole self to make it all better.
Today, I wrote this for Mom, but realized it’s to all the folks who have lost someone dear to them and especially to those trying to “make it all better.” 

All I can do is make it suck LESS.


I know I’ll never make your birthday, Thanksgiving, or Christmas “perfect” or even “amazing” for you. I can’t. No one can.

You lost your folks at this time of year. That’s beyond awful. I can’t image it. It’s a blessing and a curse that few CAN imagine it.

I have an apology and that is that I’ve tried through the years to do the impossible. That probably made it worse, and for that, I’m so sorry. What I’ve come to realize with age is that all I can do is my part in making it suck LESS.

There will always be a part missing for you. I can’t fill it. No one and nothing can. I can make new memories. I can bring in new joys, new traditions, new memories. I can give you space where you need it. I can be there. When you’re sad or “out of sorts,” I can stop looking at you with an uncomfortable expression with my outstretched arms offering you whatever form of literal or proverbial 13×9 funeral casserole I could inadequately fumble together in the moment.

But no matter what, I can’t single-handedly make it all better for you. Instead, in your own time, I can help you celebrate the loved ones you lost.

And hopefully, by relaxing about it and being authentically me and letting you be authentically you, we will make the hurt suck LESS.

I love you

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